Imagining a walk inside Trump’s head, based upon his actions, Executive Orders, political appointments, numerous lawsuits, accusations, tweets, and rambling speeches at his incessant rallies. All of Trump’s numerous misspellings have been corrected, however, in order to help readers. Although his jumbled thought process has been approximated, his frequent and often incoherent ramblings have been largely deleted in order to allow readers to follow at least some line of thought:
The World According to Trump:
Smart Women and Whores who Think – BAD.
Whores who keep Quiet – Good. Russian ones — very, very Good.
Believe me – it’s just a saying, really, to get you to stop questioning me. Hehe.
Men who defend me by lying — Good. So what if they ruin their lives? Still good for me.
Journalists who question me – ENEMY of the people.
Journalists who don’t praise me – ENEMY of America.
Fox News – Very, very GOOD.
Impeachment – very, very BAD. Witch hunt.
Reporters “anonymous” sources – BAD if used against me; good if I’m the anonymous source. What does anonymous mean again?
FAKE news – BAD if factual news’ reporting that puts me in a bad light.
Fake news – GOOD if Fox or Brietbart or a dozen spin-offs spouting conspiracy theories about liberals, Hillary, or Obama.
Legal services for trafficking victims – bad and now defunded by me.
The EPA – BAD and being destroyed by me, with many thanks to that very good man Scott Pruitt. It’s too bad he had to resign.
The environment – BAD, at least it must be or else I wouldn’t be destroying it.
Trade wars — easy to win. Right? Am I right or what? Who cares what economists say.
I have many BIG words. GOOD words. Lots of words. More coming.
I’m a genius. High IQ. Maxine Waters – low IQ. Hillary – low IQ. Women — low IQ. Except Ivanka.
Supreme Court – All wins for me, except that very BAD RBG and some Mexican-looking woman.
Racism – good.
Big decision – good. Distract them from the next thing FAKE news exposes about me.
ICE – good. I like their guns. Big guns.
COPS—good. Except any law enforcement investigating me. FBI—BAD.
HARLEY-DAVIDSON—BAD. They used to be good when they rode up and threatened people at my inauguration — the biggest ever, but now they are BAD.
Democrats – BAD. They want to kill everyone. Okay, so that is going a little too far, but who in my base won’t believe whatever I say? Lock ‘em all up.
Rigged Witch Hunts – BAD. Really, it’s all that true stuff they keep finding out about me and my handlers. Damn that Mueller.
“Witch Hunts.” Keep repeating this phrase whenever they find out something.
“A vote for Nancy Pelosi is a vote for MS-13.” I really did say that one. That’s GOOD. Pelosi—BAD.
White Supremacy – very good. Look at how white I am. Look at how white my daughter Ivanka is.
When they kill journalists, I just thank “first responders.” That gets ‘em. Hehe.
Education – Who needs it when you can steal and cheat? That’s why I put old Betsy DeVos in charge. Well, she’s not really in charge, but I pretend because she gave me a shitload of money.” Can I say that?
Russians – Never met one I didn’t like as long as they loaned me money and helped me get “elected.” Hehe.
Holocaust – Did it really happen? Steve tells me it didn’t (either Steve, take your pick.)
Migrant children – Animals.
Migrant adults—Worser animals [sic]
Other children – Who cares unless they’re mine, and they look like me and might be just like me? Although Don, Jr. is turning out to be a Loser.
The First Amendment – Weapon I can use against Liberals.
The Constitution — Weapon I can use against Liberals. Steve tells me that. Both Steves.
Virginia journalists killed – Enemies of the people (really just my enemies). Just thank “first responders.”
My Supreme Court picks – I don’t have any idea, but this guy named Leo Leonard is telling me that this one or that one will work to destroy Liberals. Get all those Justices lined up on my side.
Impeachment — Very, very BAD.
Justice Kennedy – Good boy. Stepped down. Did what he was told after I threatened him with what I know about his son and Deutsche Bank.
Blacks – BAD, except Ben Carson; is he black? Oh, and Clarence Thomas. I think he’s black but not sure. Is his wife black? She made the Tea Party — very good.
Mexicans – very BAD Hombres.
That reminds me; Mexicans, Muslims, LGBTQ, South Americans, Africans, the whole Middle East, Canada, all of Europe, America’s Allies, NATO, the UN, England – is England in Europe? Women who resist, women who are smart, protesters against me, the courts, the law, liberals, Obama—how I hate him; Democrats, progressives, most Americans, especially Hillary, decency, civility—blah, blah, blah, patriotism – all BAD, BAD, BAD, BAD, BAD, BAD.
Confederate flag – good.
China – Good, as long as I can put up Trump Towers, and they give business to me and Jared (I don’t really like him, but Ivanka does.).
Ivanka – Very, very GOOD; if only she wasn’t my daughter, you know what I’d grab.
Melanie – Or whatever her name is, BAD, but I have to pretend good for a little while longer.
Human Rights – very BAD.
Jews – BAD except when they give me tons of money, like Sheldon Adelson. He’s very good, and that one from Israel that embarrassed Obama. Hehe. What’s his name again?
Neo Nazis – Many very good people.
Rigged Witch Hunt — Bad. I just write “rigged” when I’m doing it and pretend it’s about the other guy. It works every f*** time. Hey, don’t censor me. John Kelly’s not in here, is he?
Donald J. Trump — Good. I almost tweeted “God.” Hehe. The best president ever, the biggest crowds, biggest deals, biggest win, the most women. I can do anything I want.
Donald J. Trump – Great.
Putin – Good, at least until he gets rid of that Kompromat he has on me.
BREXIT – Good. Nigel Farage – Good. What a stupid name but good.
Scott Pruitt – Good but got caught.
Boys in cave – Who cares?
That’s it. Got to go and get my new orders from Putin, my best friend until he turns on me.
Did someone say “impeachment?”
Oh, my BASE—very, very good. And dumb. And they will fall for anything. Remember me saying I could shoot someone in NYC, and they’d still vote for me? So, yeah, my BASE is good people. Dumb but good. Just repeat, “lock her up, Obama that black guy who was in the White House, or MS13 gangs,” and they get all riled up. Very, very good. Get ‘em mad. I can do anything. Grab ‘em by the pussy.
Nancy Avery Dafoe