The Emmys are over, but we have some awards yet to present. Our awards presentation is meant “all in good, satirical fun,” just like the kind of fun engendered by Sean Spicer’s appearance at the Emmys after hysterically lying to the press corps and the American people during his brief tenure as White House Press Secretary.
Best Picture/Show Director: For directing the White House Show that led the nation further down the divisive and destructive path of white supremacy activity, simultaneously keeping his bloated fingers on the misinformation feed from Breitbart News and Trump’s pulse, before his firing. And the winner is…Steve Bannon!
Best Documentary Programming for the remarkable documentary on the dirty partnership between ExxonMobil and Russia’s Putin: And the winner is Rex Tillerson. Tillerson was also nominated for a Best Supporting Actor award for his impersonation of a Secretary of State.
Best Stunt Award goes to James Comey for his ultra-timely and politically skewed announcement of what he could and couldn’t tell the America people just days before the presidential election, culminating in the release of the White House Show.
Best Children’s Programming: And the award goes to Donald Trump, Jr. who ran around to meetings with Russians like a spoiled child while pretending to be in a government capacity in the White House Show.
Best Supporting Actress: It’s a tie! And the winners are Jill Stein for her outstanding impersonation of a Green Party Candidate by a Quisling, and semi-literate, profoundly callous heiress Betsy DeVos for her remarkable impersonation of an educated, humane person with an inkling of knowledge about education, children, and democracy.
Best Supporting Actor Award: And the winner is Mike Pence for his absolutely straight-faced portrayal of an honest Vice President in the White House Show. Critics are already stating that this may be one of the greatest snow jobs ever.
Best Choreography Award goes to Paul Manafort for his masterful dance instruction and choreography of Trump team collusion and traitorous corruption with Putin and Russia in the White House Show.
Best Makeup and Hair Stylist Award goes to Ivanka Trump for the disingenuous face she creates every day in a horror picture, also known as the White House Show.
Best Casting Director in a Limited Series Horror Show: And the award goes to Jared Kushner who is unable to accept the award tonight because the dishonest young prince is nowhere to be found.
Best Editing Award goes to Jefferson Beauregard Sessions III for an editing job that disguises white supremacy references and designs in his seemingly benign actions as Attorney General of the White House Show.
Best Writing Award for a Limited Series: And the winner is Paul Ryan for creating a script that appears to show compassion while denying health care to millions of Americans, with clever lines such as, “We’ve been dreaming of this day since you and I were drinking out of a keg.”
Best Fantasy Programming Award goes to Sarah Huckabee Sanders for her daily creation of absurd fantasy about the Trump administration in the White House Show.
Best Costume Award goes to Sean Spicy Spicer for his array of lies worn as frumpy clothing at each and every White House Show press briefing.
Best Creative Achievement in Interactive Media goes to Mark Zuckerberg for doing nothing to stop Russian troll farms from placing misinformation ads on Facebook and for giving tacit approval for his top tech people to build an interactive media ad campaign of Putin directed propaganda for Trump, as he sought the highest office in the White House Show.
Best Comedy in a Limited Spy Series goes to the kerfuffle of the entire Trump legal team.
Best Lead Actress Award goes to Kellyanne Conway for her portrayal of the “living dead” while continuing to propagate lies as an alien life form in the White House Show.
Best Lead Actor Award: And the winner is Donald J. Trump who, in a series of weird and disturbing improvisations, has impersonated a legitimately elected President of the United States in a Limited Spy Series titled the White House Show.
Lifetime Achievement Award goes to Mitch McConnell for his resolute dedication to deeply partisan politics at the grievous and traitorous cost to his own constituents and the United States of America, and the GOP Senate Show.
Nancy Avery Dafoe